Tuesday, March 1, 2016


It's one thing to know intellectually that it is possible to embrace change.  It's quite another to be put in the position to have to embrace change yourself!

My husband of many years died suddenly of a heart attack recently, and my life took a dramatic and unbelievable nosedive!  I met the young man who would become my husband when I was 11 years old!  We started dating when I was 14 and I married him when I was 17. So needless to say - this man was the love of my life ... my WHOLE life, and my soulmate.

HOW COULD I EMBRACE THIS CHANGE?  We were not a couple that just hung on for years just because, after such a long time, what else are you going to do!  NO!  Quite the opposite of that!  We were extremely happy together and would say to each other many times before retiring,  that we couldn't wait until morning for another day together. 

My husband had a big personality that filled the room and filled my heart!  Oh my goodness, we laughed so much!  This happened WAY too soon for us!  We were looking forward to getting OLD together.  Many others loved him too, as over 300 people attended his funeral, with many more on the phone lines who couldn't attend in person.  

All that said - what has happened in YOUR life that has shaken YOU to the core?  The loss of a job? A divorce? Child custody battles?  The death of a loved one?  Bad news from the doctor?  ... Whatever has happened in your life that has sent you reeling, I have news for you -  you CAN embrace change, but it doesn't come by accident.  And it doesn't come just with the passing of time as you have likely heard!

Time can be your friend or your enemy here.  "Time heals all wounds" the saying goes.

We've all heard it, and when you find yourself devastated, you can only hope that this true.  Even praying that it IS true, and then you just wish the time would hurry up and pass so the intense PAIN will subside!  

But the passing of time alone is NOT the answer.  It's what you DO with that time that can make all the difference.  In fact, if you're not careful, the passing of time can actually make things terrible for you, and you can wind up in WORSE shape as time goes on.  So it's important to know what you can do to help yourself.  

Having a good support system is very important, but MINDSET is everything!  You can have a great support system, family, friends, faith, support groups, you name it; but if your mindset is stuck in the past, if you are determined to try to stay there, it doesn't matter what help may be around you.  You really must DECIDE to be okay.  You know it will take time and you know this is a very painful run ... a devastating blow ... but if you decide to get better over time, you CAN!

To "embrace" means to "wrap your arms around".  But,how can you DO that when the change is so dramatic, debilitating and painful?  I read the old classic book "Who Moved My Cheese" which is all about how to mentally and emotionally look at and accept change.  It was very helpful to me and I would recommend it.  If you are experiencing a permanent change, realizing that 
you can't fix it - you can't put things back the way they were, will help you to move on.  There is no point in constantly wishing things were different, because it doesn't MAKE them different!  It just keeps you sad and in pain. 


  • Allow yourself to grieve.  This is a natural process and is an acknowledgement that you are experiencing a devastating change in your life - Do not suppress it - Allow it to provide a measure of release and healing for you.  

  • However, make the conscious decision not to linger there.
  • Come to grips with the fact that this is your new reality. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you will be on the road to recovery.

  • Seek out the association of others who will support you and be there for you.  Do not isolate yourself - which would be very easy to do.  If you don't have a supportive family or a hoard of friends to rally around you, then seek out help from support groups and other organizations.  Having others who have either experienced something similar, or who have an empathetic heart for others can be a huge help.

  • Find empowering music with lyrics and rhythm that bring you up and make you want to move or dance.  It's very helpful in shifting your heart from sadness to joy. 

  • Do NOT allow yourself to feel GUILTY once you start feeling better.  Otherwise you may find  yourself slipping back into severe sadness; primarily because you feel that you should not be happy.  Reject these feelings and allow yourself to overcome the sadness and anguish and replace them with joy and peace. GO AHEAD!  Allow yourself to be happy when you can!  It's important!  

  • If you are a person of faith, then you will not rely on your own strength through these difficult times.  You will want to gather strength also from God.

  • Find something NEW that excites you and that can take your mind and heart somewhere ELSE.  Focusing on something fun, exhilarating or exciting can help to heal your heart and make you feel alive again.
I hope these few tips will be an encouragement and help to you as you pick yourself up and move forward in your life.  I will be adding more and more tips to this blog article as I myself progress along in my own journey.

Peace to you along with a healing heart.  I do offer a FREE CONSULTATION, so feel free to give me a call!


Leanne Cannon